Death and Life, My Guy

I promise you, I've never left.

So much has transpired over the past few months that have caused such a deep level of transformation for me.

Nothing "crazy," but definitely jarring. Through shocking outside events have I been prompted to grow up faster than I was prepared for.

Which isn't all that bad because I do welcome change and enjoy things that remind me that life continues to move. So, all is well. A good homie of mine, who we all thought went missing  transitioned 9/27. He was 26, focused on his future, extremely kind and cool tempered.

Had the best taste in music - influenced a large portion of the music I have added to my playlists - stopped by to see me just to see me and laugh or talk social/public topics whenever he travelled back to Jersey from his life in California.

The reason why I've been having such a tough time with this death is because he was close and the way that his heart was set up provided such a life sustaining protective force around him - I imagined. When I tell you everyone on this planet could attest to his kindness, I do not exaggerate. I always imagined some of the kindest people having such a protective hedge around them from God, ya know?

When that imagination was met with the reality that death is quick, sudden, and no respecter of the hearts or young ages of man, I had a tough time accepting that. I know we all try to wrap our minds around it and no matter how much we know that we'll never understand it, our minds will try. It's a human tendency.

I cried almost to the point of retching.
My sinuses were congested for days.
I was angry.
Sad.
Happy.

Everything at the same time. 

And, here we go again. 

I met him when he was a senior in Lindenwold High School. I was fortunate to be his mentor (and a distant mentor for another student - his best friend) for a senior project. You know, you never know how you affect a person in their youth until you find them coming to stop by and visit you randomly, asking you for counsel for one of the biggest moves of their life, they're FaceTiming you randomly, or they're showing you their accomplishments later in their life - their new vehicle, their new place, or how it's decorated...

I forgot I taught him how to drive. I forgot he used to ask me about cameras and equipment. He viewed me as an older brother.

What I will tell you is I never ignored a single call or text of his. I intuitively knew that he was a good one and to value how he valued me. I just forgot about all of these memories until he left.

And, here we go again.

But, when I tell you I had some of the deepest laughs with him around memes - some of these memes were extremely problematic (which made it all the more funnier) and others were jokes surrounding Nicki Minaj and Safaree's breakup years ago - those laughs were iconic. 

Dude would ask to swing by to watch the BET awards or the VMAs and we'd scroll twitter together DYING.

This man was an angel. A six foot something angel with the heart of a child and the laugh that sounded like none other. 

Assane Drame. "My guy."

I love you always. I think the hardest part was the reality that someone I loved I thought I could protect some way divinely. How arrogant of me, ya know?

Never in a million years would I post a video on YouTube fighting back tears. But I wanted to stretch my hand and heart out to those who knew him and felt it.

To his family, friends, Clippers coworkers, loved ones. I know what you're feeling and I love you too.

We all know that he left such a deep influence on the way we should love, communicate, and
co-exist.

I will admit that I will never be the same person I was - but who is?

Loss is necessary but what's gained in spirit and in the heart space is eternal.