A bit more of my true self comes out when I'm wearing a mask. I love masks. I love how you can create art with them. I love the person you can express yourself as in them.
Venetian masks have always been a love of mine - masks in general but, Venetian masks just...hit different.
For a short moment in time, I crafted clay molds to create paper masks. I love sculpture - the feeling of getting your hands wet, the texture of the clay, and the smell of it. It's pretty dope. I crafted clay molds to create "Venetian masks" to match "My" features. So; wider nose, fuller lips, etc. I'll get back to it I'm certain. Anyway the costumes, the personality, all of it. It's so amazing. The poise, eloquence, and grace that is expressed from the wearers of the masks - it's something I've always been in love with and I've found that I share these qualities with them naturally.
The Egungun festivals - the way that they spin and move around. How they show up. How they move. It's all so beautiful to me. There's such a grace. Such a shared connection. Something so "at home" when I watch it. I could go on and on.
I'd like to have a masquerade ball for one of my birthdays.
2021 has been A YEAR, do you hear me?
I decided to represent the trickster / jester this year for Halloween. One of the things that the jester or the trickster teaches, is that it will always have the last laugh. Who you think you are and where you think you're going. Fate always has something different.
I'm growing much closer to uncertainty, loss, and the most unsuspected lasting connections. In those I grow the most. When I think I can direct and think my way into the future based off of what I think I know myself to be...reality shows up, laughs, and reminds me that I'm meant to sit back and enjoy the ride.
I've been insulted for going with the flow - when it's what I'm made of. I've found that when I don't go with the flow, there's a deep reminder from my own calabash that I know who I am and to stick with it - or suffer being laughed at and knocked up by bumpy experiences. The perception of others ideas of my life have nothing to do with me.
It's so interesting when your life contains a lot of receiving - resting - allowing - chilling - protection - waiting - living. BEING. Passive enough. Not too passive, but a passive that can almost feel like stagnation. It will make you want to go rogue. It will make you want to assert "I" "I" I" - it will make you impatient. It will make you demanding. It will make you scream for things to "speed up."
My my. The gratitude that I have for eldership.
Revisiting some Artwork from a show I was a part of in August 2019. Black Boy Blue - put together by amazing photographer, Robert Carter.
"Black Boy Blue: A Rhapsody of Many Selves is an upcoming art exhibition centering multiple facets of black male identity. Six artists explore the values, lessons, and passions that have shaped them as black men through their respective mediums, from music to fashion design. Curated and hosted by photographer Robert Carter, this show honors the complicated intersectional identities of being a black man and an artist in America."
I called this work, The Journey Within - it's a bit of an analysis of my life from a higher vantage point.
To be read from top left to right - zig zag left to right until you get to the bottom right.
Scorpio Scorpio Scorpio - how I love to stay far from thee.
No, it’s not because of how scary people make you out to be. It’s because my dark side gets riled up around you.
It makes me want to become my best through some of my darker paths.
Sounds like I shouldn’t run from that, no?
I acknowledge how powerful your energy is - Pisces sun contains a similar transformative energy. It’s an energy that softens some of the coldest hearts. It is as equally introspective as Scorpio - but, much more nurturing. Think of Shamanic initiation by light and by choice. You DECIDE to commit yourself to the higher path, and you’re welcomed with open arms. Your scars and wounds are learned. You might encounter some bumps and bruises along the path of purification. Someone holds your hand and your Heart leads the way in your priesthood.
Scorpio is shamanic initiation through darkness / transformation (Pluto). You usually don’t choose it. In sitting through some of your darkest moments, you’re forced through your initiation and the scars, wounds, and lessons stick with you - burning, like coals. It can be the sudden winds of change that tear pages from your reality and it can feel violent.
You however, must make a conscious decision to take all that you’ve learned through pain and not let it take you out. To live, present.
It is the heat rising from the hot coals that sustains your life on earth and your hand isn’t held but, your wrist is squeezed through your initiation - or so it seems. You share and articulate wisdom in few words from some of the deepest experiences.
Privacy is also one of your greatest allies.
While Scorpio hardens some of the softest of hearts, it is necessary.
…as Iron (Mars) sharpens iron.
Scorpio reminds us to remain sharp.
And to treat sex as a way to create new realities. To get lost in it. With the right one.
Stand, on guard.
LIVE beyond the veil.
Know the worst but, be careful assuming it.
Delegate but, never Manipulate.
Protect: those that matter
Calculate: as opportunities abound.
Seduce - or, use your Magnetism to create the Reality you desire.
the choice is yours.
the latest podcast episode is available.
Wednesday (10/13/2021) almost beat me DOWN, do you hear me?
Silly things that could've went wrong, seemed like it did. Not only did my camera I had for almost a year fizzed out during filming of @thepaintedfoolspainthouse - it fizzed out 3 days before another event coming up this Saturday (10/16/2021).
I've been working so hard on other things that I haven't been sleeping well. We're talking between 3-3.5 hours of sleep. I know, I know.
I'm grieving the departure of a loved one.
The most random and heated test of my patience came out of no where on my way to grab food. HEATED! 🔥
But let's talk about this CAMERA THOUGH lmao:
Whenever it comes to events and things I'm doing for (mostly paint parties) the general public - I like to be prepared days in advance - sometimes weeks, ya'll lmao.
Bags will be packed with supplies - the trunk will be loaded - and I'll always pack extras just in case. Days and days in advance. Batteries are charged, materials are double and triple checked. Full check list. It gets like that.
So, as someone who loves to be super prepared isn't prepared, I ALMOST started to panic because these types of challenges "never" happen. This happened around 11pm that night. Reached out to Canon to put in for Service Repair. According to my purchase receipt that I uploaded to them, this camera's shutter failed 3 DAYS BEFORE THE WARRANTY WENT OUT. Relief. Zero cost repair.
Good news: It's still covered under warranty
Good news: I had an older camera that I left at my parents house that's in great condition.
Great news: None of this stress is related to past mistakes with relationships lmao.
Lesson: ALWAYS have multiple back-ups on deck.
Lesson: Get an extended warranty if you've made the best investment to begin with.
Lesson: GO TO SLEEP.
Lesson: The setback is minor.
While my M50 baby is currently receiving his repairs, my SL2 delivered for the event on Saturday and all went well.
I'm so grateful.
Still can't wait to get my M50 back, though
I promise you, I've never left.
So much has transpired over the past few months that have caused such a deep level of transformation for me.
Nothing "crazy," but definitely jarring. Through shocking outside events have I been prompted to grow up faster than I was prepared for.
Which isn't all that bad because I do welcome change and enjoy things that remind me that life continues to move. So, all is well. A good homie of mine, who we all thought went missing transitioned 9/27. He was 26, focused on his future, extremely kind and cool tempered.
Had the best taste in music - influenced a large portion of the music I have added to my playlists - stopped by to see me just to see me and laugh or talk social/public topics whenever he travelled back to Jersey from his life in California.
The reason why I've been having such a tough time with this death is because he was close and the way that his heart was set up provided such a life sustaining protective force around him - I imagined. When I tell you everyone on this planet could attest to his kindness, I do not exaggerate. I always imagined some of the kindest people having such a protective hedge around them from God, ya know?
When that imagination was met with the reality that death is quick, sudden, and no respecter of the hearts or young ages of man, I had a tough time accepting that. I know we all try to wrap our minds around it and no matter how much we know that we'll never understand it, our minds will try. It's a human tendency.
I cried almost to the point of retching.
My sinuses were congested for days.
I was angry.
Everything at the same time.
And, here we go again.
I met him when he was a senior in Lindenwold High School. I was fortunate to be his mentor (and a distant mentor for another student - his best friend) for a senior project. You know, you never know how you affect a person in their youth until you find them coming to stop by and visit you randomly, asking you for counsel for one of the biggest moves of their life, they're FaceTiming you randomly, or they're showing you their accomplishments later in their life - their new vehicle, their new place, or how it's decorated...
I forgot I taught him how to drive. I forgot he used to ask me about cameras and equipment. He viewed me as an older brother.
What I will tell you is I never ignored a single call or text of his. I intuitively knew that he was a good one and to value how he valued me. I just forgot about all of these memories until he left.
And, here we go again.
But, when I tell you I had some of the deepest laughs with him around memes - some of these memes were extremely problematic (which made it all the more funnier) and others were jokes surrounding Nicki Minaj and Safaree's breakup years ago - those laughs were iconic.
Dude would ask to swing by to watch the BET awards or the VMAs and we'd scroll twitter together DYING.
This man was an angel. A six foot something angel with the heart of a child and the laugh that sounded like none other.
Assane Drame. "My guy."
I love you always. I think the hardest part was the reality that someone I loved I thought I could protect some way divinely. How arrogant of me, ya know?
Never in a million years would I post a video on YouTube fighting back tears. But I wanted to stretch my hand and heart out to those who knew him and felt it.
To his family, friends, Clippers coworkers, loved ones. I know what you're feeling and I love you too.
We all know that he left such a deep influence on the way we should love, communicate, and
I will admit that I will never be the same person I was - but who is?
Loss is necessary but what's gained in spirit and in the heart space is eternal.
Hey, Lover Muffin.
Welcome to the bonfire. The space of Authenticity.