The Derrick Jaxn situation for me reminds me of people who have businesses and those who are marrying their Self (Truth / Identity / Integrity) and Business together. There is an expectation placed on those who provide "Advice" about more personal matters to be living up to Virtues one passively "appears" to be marketing.
When we see they do not connect, we learn that either:
The Self (Truth / Identity / Integrity) was never married to the Business OR Perhaps they were married but, mistakes were made.
I'm leaning towards: They were never married to begin with because Integrity isn't always needed to run a business. Strategy, yes, and the appearances of Virtues can be a part of the strategy but, eventually we see the Truth.
I've been disillusioned about 2-3 years ago.
I've ceased the passive Platforming (Placing on a Pedestal) I've done to others I have admired.
I no longer Idealize the 1-Dimension of a person.
Is it skepticism, you wonder? Is it out of Respect? Rather than creating a fantasy in my head of someone I don't know, I allow them to show me who they are - I allow them to define themselves to me. That, to me, is Respectful.
It doesn't mean that I don't use Discernment - but, often we associate Discernment with "Warning" in relationships. Discernment teaches to never take one side for the Whole of a thing.
It's a sign of Maturity.
All of the Focus is placed back on You when you choose against Idealizing a person.
Know that IF you do, it's a pretty natural thing to do. The problem we create with that comes when we refuse a person's personal truth or assume one for them.
We place people in a position they never agreed to be in. Now some may respect that and be flattered and others "may" feel pressured by it.
Normally, I'd speak on the Value this brings - the Protective quality this brings, as it protects one from Manipulation.
Let this not be a Defense Mechanism.
People do cloak their "Discernment" behind a Pain Reaction and reject impactful relationships.
I'd never advise holding back your personality expression in the face of people. If you're prone to expressions of excitement, affection, or brightness, holding that back can cause Pain by Emotional Blockage in You. If you hold back because of that, Pain caused Skepticism may be your operator.
If you avoid Relationships because you don't want to Idealize a person and hurt your own feelings, then you're being excuse driven.
Idealization is not given by anyone but You. So, you'd need to practice exercises to avoid slipping into that Fantasy space during and after Person-to-Person encounters.
What this will also do is:
1. Keep realistic Person-to-Person relationships.
2. The relationship can be productive and impactful.
3. Plans can be made and adhered to and progress will be assured
4. You're not being self-centered and individualistic. Because trust me, Idealizing a person changes the dynamic of an otherwise healthy connection. It can create selfish partnerships.
Some further advice:
Be aware of Flaws.
Be open to Forgiveness.
Acknowledge a person's Humanity.
Be mindful of silent challenges people may be facing.
But in all things: Be teachable. Remain fertile. Be The Fool.
What are your thoughts?
Kirk Franklin and his son Kerrion's latest family issue made public has had a lot of people talking. For me, perhaps this was probably the most interesting dialogue that I've seen from the populace in quite some time.
Many people "sided" with Kirk Franklin and sought to shame Kerrion Franklin for the "exposé." The public consensus was, "Why are you sharing such private matters to the public. What are you seeking to gain?"
Others (a much striking minority) have come to the support or defense of Kerrion, citing "Parental abuse" and shifting the conversation in the comments to bring awareness.
For me, I've never thought to showcase private family matters to the public.
Like the majority of offspring and parent relationships, there are issues.
I've never thought to bring shame or public scrutiny to my parents when we disagreed or had issues - this is for different reasons:
1. I have a bit too much pride. Protection is important.
2. That's no one's business.
3. I have control over my emotions and authority over my decisions.
Now just because "I" wouldn't take that route doesn't mean that for those who have, have my criticism. For many, it's sparked conversation that is quite important:
What IS abuse?
Should family therapy be REGULAR?
Can offspring abuse their parents? How?
Can parents abuse their offspring? How?
Can and SHOULD empathy be shared between parent and offspring?
My parents never spoke to me the way that Kirk spoke to Kerrion, with the name calling. Many people said: "That's how my parents spoke to me growing up and I'm fine."
Okay great. That isn't everyone's reality. Especially if that way of speaking has been engrained since childhood. That's unhealthy communication.
I also never told my parents or any adult for that matter, to "Stfu" in the way that Kerrion did to his father. Never would in a million years. It's just not in me to do.
Our parents and parent's-parents generation endured a lot of "silencing:" Shh. Don't say anything. Family secrets are loaded in our parents and parent's-parents generation because of that "Be quiet"-ing thing.
My generation and below are not having that. It's considered Revolutionary to defy the traditions and choose mental and emotional health. For many offspring, speaking up and against tradition is considered disrespect - even if that tradition is rooted in dysfunction and degeneration.
Kudos to the Parents that adapt and accept that the old ways were maladaptive and degenerate. Kudos to the Parents that CHANGE. Kudos to the offspring that sever that traditional tie (break the generational "curse").
It wasn't until I started taking Youth into my home that I've learned that Guardianship / Parenting isn't linear. If you make the decision to serve as a parental figure, the responsibility you place yourself in is great. If you have sex, get pregnant together, and have a child - that responsibility is great. I don't have the experience in having biological children of my own that I was not prepared for. There can be a different emotional connection there and different legal responsibilities as well that can add to the importance.
All in all, that Kirk and Kerrion feud caused me to look at any residual resentment towards my parents, let it go, and forgive. It was just that simple for me. My parents did the best they could with what they had. Working the way that they did and being raised the way that they did lent them towards not having the ideal emotional connection that I needed. We've already spoken about it - my parents communicated THEIR reality, and I understood. They also apologized for not showing up the way that I needed. The same way that I sought acceptance from my parents, I've had to give to my parents. Instantaneous healing. When you reach that point of your life, the Peace you allow in on the inside is unmatched.
I look at that painful event and only feel empathy towards the entire family. There's so many families that suffer in this way. May they all receive the healing and reconciliation that they need.
What did you think?
I dropped a podcast episode speaking more on this.
Hey, Lover Muffin.
Welcome to the bonfire. The space of Authenticity.